On the night of August 7th, Hong Kong police received a frantic call from a 41 year-old gentleman named Xing. He informed the officer that he was trapped in LianTan park. His stated reason? It seems that while meandering through the park, he had espied the salacious, perforated curves of one of the many benches dotting the grounds and, seeing that no one was around, he decided to do what any right-thinking, virile man would do. He decided to fuck it.
Problems soon enough presented themselves when Xing realized that the object of his affection had so firm a grasp on his member that he was unable to extricate himself. In a panic, he called the police who, finding his penis too swollen with blood to safely remove from the bench, were forced to cut the bench free and transport it, with lover attached, to the hospital where it was removed. Doctors remarked that, had he remained in the bench’s embrace for much longer, they would have had to remove his genitals in order to free him.
Let this serve as a lesson to all you would-be bench sodomites. Yes, they may be sexy and, yes, they may be “asking for it”, what with their polished surfaces and their exposed fastenings; but behind the weather beaten paint and wrought iron there is a darker side. There is a price to pay for your late night dalliances. Can you afford it?
As we all know, Tiger returned to golf after a 5 month hiatus.
We seniors have put together some words of advice he, and others facing the same struggles, may want to follow.
Senior Wisdom for Tiger
When you see a woman….
And want her badly…
Please consider the following….
No matter how beautiful she is…
No matter how sexy she is….
No matter how seductive she is…
No matter how huge her breasts are…
… I forgot where I was going with this.
By Garfunkel and Oates
If she does this…. Bingo!