Before you blow into one of these…
…. you need to think about where they come from….
Two men are in the doctor’s office waiting to get vasectomies. A nurse comes in and asks the men to strip and put on their medical gowns while they wait for the doctor. A few minutes later she comes back, reaches under one man’s gown and begins to masturbate him .Shocked, he asks, “What the hell are you doing?
To which she replies, “We have to vacate the sperm from your system to have a clean procedure.”
Not wanting to cause a problem, the man relaxes and enjoys it as she completes her task. The second man watches all of this and by the time the nurse turns to him, he is quite ready for his turn. To his surprise, she drops to her knees, opens her lips and begins to give him a blowjob.
The first man, surprised too, asks, “Hey, what is this? Why is it that I get a hand job and he gets blow job?”
The nurse says, “That, my dear sir, is the difference between Obama care and private insurance..”
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs … enough times till her husband says… “Are you wearing crotch less panties?”
“Y-e-s,” she answers with a seductive smile.
“Thank God for that… I thought you were sitting on the cat.
He never heard the gunshot.
I ran out of toilet paper the other day, and luckily I had my cellphone and called the wife. She told me to just wipe with a dollar, which luckily I had in my pants pocket.
When she walked in the door I had shit all over me. She asked me, “What the hell happened?”
I replied “You try and do better with three quarters, two dimes and a nickel.”