Chef dies after feeling eel

A CHEF has died after an EEL was put up his ass.

Eel2Shocked doctors in Sichuan, China, found the sea creature in the 59-year-old man’s rectum after his death, it has been reported.

The 50cm long Asian swamp eel was allegedly inserted into the unnamed man’s bottom, after he passed out drunk, by pals playing a prank on him.

Medics said the eel had devoured his bowels.

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Lover almost killed by huge breasts

Huge breasts

British woman Claire Smedley almost killed her lover during sex – with her enormous breasts.

Mum-of-three Smedley, 27, who has 40LL breasts, panicked when she lifted them up while having sex and found that her lover Steven had stopped breathing.

In an exclusive video interview with the News of the World, she revealed how Steven usually loved being smothered by her breasts.

“This time, he started flailing around a bit but I assumed it was because he was so excited, so I kept going. A few minutes later I noticed he’d stopped moving,” she said.

By then, sales assistant Steven, also 27, was still and appeared to not be breathing.

“I was panicking and just about to call 999 when, thankfully, he started to come round.

“He was really woozy, like he was in a trance. Then he sort of coughed and sat up. I was so relieved,” the News of the World quoted Smedley as saying.

“I did think my time had come. I tried to slap her on her arm to get her to stop and get off me, but I think she misread the signals.

“The next thing I knew, she was sitting over me asking if I was all right. I must have blacked out. It was pretty hair-raising,” Steven said.

Smedley said: “After that he went off sex.”



Bomb probe turns up vibrator

Vibrator offenderAPRIL 19–A California Highway Patrol office was briefly evacuated earlier this month when investigators became concerned that an arrestee might have been carrying a concealed explosive device. When officers collared Steven Ferrini on a drug charge, a search of the 60-year-old suspect turned up “a suspicious wire, with an on/off switch” in his pants pocket. “The wire was found to extend from the pant pocket to the subject’s anus,” according to a CHP report. Though Ferrini claimed that the wire was connected to an anal vibrator, officers became suspicious when he subsequently “began to explain his knowledge of explosives and bomb making.” So they called in El Dorado County’s “explosive ordinance disposal” team and, at 5:45 AM, evacuated “all unnecessary personnel” from the CHP’s South Lake Tahoe office. At about 9 AM, the bomb squad “rendered the device safe” and determined it was not dangerous. The report does not indicate why more than three hours passed before the vibrator was found not to be an explosive device. “The vibrator was subsequently removed and placed into property,” according to report, which does not identify the CHP employee tasked with that unfortunate evidence collection responsibility. Ferrini is pictured below in an El Dorado County Sheriff’s Office mug shot snapped following his April 7 arrest.

Read the police report


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