Dead frog and it’s master

Dead frogA little  boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.  He  came up to the doorstep of ‘a house of ill repute’ and knocked on the door.

When  the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.

He  said, ‘I want to have sex with one of the women inside.  I  have the money to buy it, and I’m not leaving until I get  it.

The  Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once  in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.  He  asked, ‘Do any of the girls have any diseases?’

Of  course the Madam said ‘No’.

The  boy said, ‘I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber –
THAT’S  the girl I want.’

Since  the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.

He  headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed  out the door.

The  Madam stopped him and asked, ‘Why  did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease,
instead  of one of the others?’

He  said, ‘Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my  parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter.  After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught.  When  Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he’ll give her one in the car and he’ll catch the  disease.  Then  when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter’s, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.

In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk,  have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE’S the prick who ran over my FROG!’

Thanks Gene

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Dog sitting

An elderly spinster who was a dog lover agreed to look after her neighbors dog while the neighbors went on their vacation.   The only problem was that the spinsters own dog was a bitch that was in ‘heat’ and the neighbors dog was a male. Nevertheless, she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.

As she lay in her bed drifting off to sleep, the spinster was suddenly alarmed by an awful howling and moaning sounds from downstairs.  She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating.  The dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage.

Try as she might she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next.  Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet and after a few rings, a rather grumpy voice of the vet answered the phone.  The spinster explained the problem.

The vet said, “I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them.  I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch.”

“Oh,” said the spinster,  “Do you think that will work?”

“Well,” the vet replied, “It just worked for me.”

Thanks Gene

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