Son of a bitch fish

Sob fishThe parish priest went on a fishing trip.  On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.  The guide, holding a net, yelled, “Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!”

“Son, I’m a priest. Your language is uncalled for!”

“No, Father, that’s what kind of fish it is – a Son of a Bitch fish!”

“Really?  Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!”

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.  “Father, that’s the biggest Son of a Bitch I’ve ever seen.”

“Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?”

“Why, eat it! Of course You’ve never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!”

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.   While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.   “Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!”

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, “Father!”

“It’s OK, Sister. That’s what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!”

“Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?”

Sister  Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

“I’ll even clean the Son of a Bitch,” she said.  

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.  “What are you doing Sister?”

“Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop’s Dinner.”

“Sister! I’ll clean it if you’re so upset! Please watch your language!”

“No, no, no, it’s called a Son of a Bitch Fish.”

“Really?  Well in that case, I’ll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!”

“Let me know when you’ve finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch.”

On the night of the new Bishop’s visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, “This is great fish, where did you get it?”

“I caught that Son of a Bitch!” proclaimed the proud priest.

“And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!” exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added, “And I prepared the Son of a Bitch using a special recipe!”

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.  A big smile crept across his face as he said,  “You Fuckers are my kind of people!”

Thanks Gene

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Letter to Men’s Helpline

Hey Mate, really need your advice for a serious problem:

I have suspected for some time now that the missus has been cheating. The usual signs; Phone rings, if I answer the caller hangs up; going out with the girls a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway last night, about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home she got out of someone’s car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on… It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, I noticed a “hairline crack” in the outboard mounting bracket… Is that something I can weld myself or do I need to replace it?

Signed,
Too Many Cracks To Worry About

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