Frank, the town postman, is retiring after 50 years on the job.
So he puts on his satchel and collects his last mailbag from the post office, and sets out on his last round.
First up he drops off a few letters at the local library. The librarian smiles and presents him with a leather-bound volume of The Complete Works of Charles Dickens. “Here you are, Frank. We know how much you like reading, now you’re retiring you’ve got plenty of time for it now!”
Frank thanks him and continues on his route.
Next, Frank knocks on the door of the town pub. The landlady fetches him a good bottle of 12-year-old single malt whisky. “We’ve been keeping this for a special occasion. Pour yourself a large one on us and enjoy your retirement!”
Frank is touched by her gesture and moves onto the last address.
Frank knocks on the door of Mrs Smith. She answers the door in a negligée that leaves little to the imagination. “I’ve been expecting you, Frank. You’d better come in”. She leads him upstairs and proceeds to make mad, passionate love to him. Frank’s head is still spinning and as he gets dressed, Mrs Smith slips a $100 note into his shirt pocket. Before he has chance to say anything, Mrs Smith says “we’re not done yet” and leads him down to the kitchen.
Mrs Smith then cooks a fantastic breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns, toast, the full works. As he finishes eating and takes a swig of his coffee, Frank finally has chance to ask. “I must say Mrs Smith, everyone in the town has been very kind today, but you’ve been the kindest of all. Too kind, in fact! What on Earth could have moved you to such a gesture?”
Mrs Smith thinks for a moment, leaning against the kitchen worktop.
“Well, I was really racking my brains to think of something nice for you, so I asked my husband. He said ‘Fuck him, just give him a few bucks’ … but breakfast was my idea!”