Today, I learned that I’m a scientist

BreastmountainsScientists at MIT (Mammary Institute of Technology) have discovered a new force, quite possibly the most powerful yet. Researchers have dubbed this new force “breast gravity.” It is the nearly irresistible force that draws men’s eyes down to women’s breasts.

“The idea came to me out of the blue,” says team leader Frank Leerer. “I was walking along the beach with a colleague of mine, and we saw a woman in a string bikini. ‘Check out the globes on her!’ he said. That’s when the idea hit me like a brick house.”

Theorists have been working around the clock to explain the biophysical mechanism behind the phenomenon. It is believed that like the other fundamental forces of the universe, breast gravity is mediated by an elementary particle. MIT scientists have named this theoretical particle the “boobon.”

Many aspects of the new force have now been determined empirically. It is known that breast gravity grows exponentially with breast size. Also, experimentalists think that many materials must absorb boobons, because layers of clothing can significantly decrease the force. (A large parka can sometimes nullify the effect completely.)

Still, there are mysteries yet to be solved. For example, why are almost all men’s eyes affected, but only a small fraction of women’s? How can it be that the force is transmitted even through televised and printed images of breasts?

Scientists everywhere are looking into it.

via

0

Dating protocol

WHITE WOMEN:  
 
 First date:
 You get to kiss her goodnight.
 Second date: 
 You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
 Third  date:
 You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position.

  
 IRISH WOMEN:  
    
  First Date:

 You both get blind drunk and have sex.
 Second Date: 
 You both get blind drunk and have sex. 
 20th  Anniversary:
 You both get blind drunk and have sex.

       
 ITALIAN WOMEN:  
    
  First Date:
 You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant. 
 Second  Date:
 You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs. 
 Third  Date:
 You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring. 
 5th  Anniversary:
 You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex. 
 6th  Anniversary:
 You find yourself a Mistress. 

 
 CHINESE WOMEN:  
 
  First date:
 You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
 Second date: 
 You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
 Third date:
 You don’t even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.  

 
 INDIAN WOMEN:  
 
 First date:
 
 Meet her parents.
 Second date: 
 Set the date of the wedding.
 Third date: 
 Wedding night. 
 
 
 BLACK WOMEN:  
  
  First Date:
 You get to buy her a real expensive dinner. 
 Second  Date:
 You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner. 
 Third  Date:
 You get to pay her rent. 
 Tenth  Date:
 She’s pregnant by someone other than you. 

 
 MEXICAN WOMEN:  
  
  First Date:
 You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have
 sex in the back of her  car.
 Second  Date:
 She’s pregnant.
 Third Date:
 She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister’s boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip. 

 
 JEWISH WOMEN:  
  
  First Date:

 You spend all your money to impress her.
 Second  Date:
 You take a loan to keep the image
 Third Date: 
 You’re broke, she finds someone wealthier 
   
 
 ARAB  WOMEN:  
  
  First Date:
 
 Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles,
 Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
 Second Date: 
 You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
 
 (No third date) 
 
 
 What’s the POINT? 

 DON’T YOU JUST LOVE  IRISH WOMEN?

Thanks Gene

0